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Dispelling the Geek Chic myth*

Sat, 19 May 2012 16:44:39 +0100

OK here is a ‘classic’ blog post I originally published on-line about 4 years ago. For people new to my rantings it is not meant to be taken entirely seriously. It is exaggerated for effect. Though I do find it much harder to write like this now as I am a much calmer person. :-)

Dispelling the Geek Chic myth*

If you pick up a magazine (are you from the past?), browse a blog or read a news website and your are liable to come across a boat load of lies about geeks and nerds. Apparently we geeks are cool, hip and trendy and women really go for nerdy guys. That is true. I’ve had to change my mobile number several times and had to take out restraining orders because Jewel Staite and Tricia Helfer won’t leave me alone… No. Wait. I might have that the wrong way around. Anyway, women go for geeky guys these days right? Poppycock! 100% grade-A cock from a poppy.

Women have no more interest in us bespectacled, computer loving (only when it is really cold) Trekkies than they ever did before. You see what women currently go for is metro-sexual Male models dressed up like a geek. You know 6ft tall Greek gods with bodies chiseled from granite, a full head of mussed up hair and ridiculous glasses without real lenses in them. Or perhaps just Doctor Who. Either way that describes very few actual geeks. It is just the other side of the lie that men really prefer women with curves. Actually it is not so much a lie as half truth. We just mean curves likes Kelly Brooke not Dawn French, who has way too many curves, in all the wrong places and frequently going in the wrong direction.

What women mean by geek (no that’s a Dalek):

What Men mean by curves (and what curves they are):

It doesn’t help that films keep doing the geek/nerd/dork/loser get the stunning chick angle either. The more gullible of my brethren are beginning to believe it. Look guys it never happens, ever. American Pie, Knocked Up, Fanboys, Superbad, Wargames, Weird Science, Hackers, Spider-man and Kevin Smith movies (especially Kevin Smith movies) are all fucking lying to you. The only way you get girls like in those films is if you have Bill Gates’ bank balance or use Rohypnol. Both of which involve breaking the law. :-)

Just a quick definition as there is often some confusion between what is a geek and what is a nerd. To be honest they are pretty much the same thing these days and can be used interchangeably. Though perhaps Geeks tend to end up as Computer Scientists and Nerds as Theoretical Physicists. Both have the same dubious social skills, optional personal hygiene and tendency to become obsessed with things of a technical/scientific nature. Also geeks bite the heads off chickens.

So where did the idea that nerds are cool come from? Firstly, Bill Gates. You see Billyboy has a lot of clout and a lot of cash. With power and money comes influence on what is considered cool. Sadly geeks are not cool by any stretch of the imagination. The popular idea of the cool geek is filled by cool people who get dressed up like nerds. Incidentally if you need to spot a real geek ask them which is best Star Trek or Star Wars. If the answer is only two words they aren’t a geek or a nerd. Secondly geek culture is fast becoming mainstream. People go to see Superhero and Science Fiction films now that would never have done so prior to 1999. People watch the likes of Lost and Battlestar Galactica and enjoy them. Our shit is now popular.

It is just that only the real geeks actually take the time formulate theories about the temporal displacement in Lost and rant about the stupidity of angels in Battlestar Galactica. The mainstream has co-opted our culture but it doesn’t obsess over it like we do. Thirdly it is cool to say you dig geeks. Women like to say it for the same reason men lie about not finding skinny 18 year old girls totally hot. Because they think it makes them seem deep. Actions however speak louder than words so women, being equally as shallow as men, still go sleep with Cro-Magnon man.

What about geek girls I here you feminists cry! Actually I don’t because any feminist reading this deeply chauvinistic rant had a myocardial infarction towards the end of the 2nd paragraph. Well they look almost exactly like geek guys but with internal genitals. That is why there are so few of us. Like Dwarves (the fantasy kind not midgets) identifying the females is just so difficult. Either that or we end up raising the kids of normals after marrying a psychologically damaged woman who already has crotch fruit from her failed marriage to some mouth-breather with a below median IQ and a passion for football (that sentence ran on a bit). Like a cuckoo in reverse.

Horribly bitter I may be (I never did get over High School) but it doesn’t stop my rant from being bang on the money. If geeks really were cool and what all women wanted then Firefly would be in its 9th season, Richard Dawkins would be Prime Minister, I’d be dating Summer Glau and we would all have flying cars. None of these things are true so by my willfully faulty logic I declare Geek Chic to be a damned dirty lie. So there!

* Not to be confused with the ‘Greek Sheep myth’ which is a completely different thing altogether.

Inva2ion!!!

Thu, 17 May 2012 20:33:00 +0100

Wow! What a weekend. Inva2ion has to be the best time I have had in ages. Where to begin? I guess the beginning would be a good start. Names may be changed or omitted, not so much to protect the guilty but to protect me. :-)

So Friday! After a pretty long series of train and tube journeys (that at one point involved me missing my connection because public transport in the UK couldn’t rise to the level of competent even if the whole of existence depended on it doing so) I arrived at The Renaissance Hotel, near Heathrow airport. I checked in and went to hang around waiting for my contacts Leanne @leanneeef and Tony @TonytheCylon. While I was waiting I picked up my gold pass and went a stood in the queue to get some prints to be signed and to buy some photo session tickets. The three of us then ordered a pizza, scammed the hotel out of parking pass and sat outside and fought over the pizza with the ants.

After the opening ceremony (a rather grandiose term for saying hello and introducing the guests) we gold pass wielders got to sit down in groups to chat with the celebrity guests. Which is where I met Howard @Rockstar6662, Roel @RoelVeldhuyzen, Steve @notken, Suzie and Gerrit @CrazyGW. Also other people whose names now escape me. Look I am terrible with names, I started a new job 4 months ago and I know the names of about 7 people in the whole company. If it helps I’d probably recognise you if I saw you, I just wouldn’t know what to call you. :-)

The guest were all very nice but tired. The niceness seemed genuine in most cases. Well nearly all cases actually. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions on what I’m talking about. Then it was off to the party. The Friday night party is a bit of a blur for me but it was the more muted of the three celebrations from what I recall. It had been a long day and I wasn’t really paying attention. We all stayed up and had a few drinks and a good time. The party’s theme was Roman Toga so a lot of the hotel’s bed sheets had a night out too.

Saturday morning started with getting up early and going down to stuff my face with as much of the breakfast buffets as I could stomach. Which was a fair bit. After breakfast I was off for a photo session with lovely Alaina Huffman and Elyse Levesque. In between that and my photo sessions with Felicia Day, Amy Okuda and Eliza Dushku was a very interesting talk by writer Jim Swallow. Alessandra Torresani and Aaron Douglas. Aaron has some fantastic stories which I won’t detail as you might want to hear them some day.

The guest talks also introduced me to someone I named “Captain Douchebag the Phone Nazi”. A rather pretentious little suck-up who as well as walking the floor making sure nobody had their mobile on (by barking orders at them) had a nice sideline of asking the most tedious know it all questions of the guests. I was pre-warned by a couple of people about him but still you sometimes don’t get the extent of something till you experience it. The best is when he put himself into a position of schooling the guests. Niiiiiiice!

I think the whole mobile phones must be turned off in the main hall because they interfere with the wireless microphones is horse-shit anyway. I think it has more to do with youtube than anything technical. Which is understandable when you do things like make a public broadcast of a TV show, which by the looks of the Canadian TV Channel DOG means you probably got it from a less than reputable source and don’t have permission to show it. I mean how many decades have we had mobile phones now and you still haven’t found wireless mics that can cope with mobile phone signals? Really? Besides which most people just had their phones on silent/vibrate anyway and the mics still seemed to work fine.

Part of the afternoon was spent getting all our goodies signed. Mostly photos for me but I did get Aaron Douglas to sign my Battlestar Galactica Blu-ray box set lid. I must remember to be a bit more creative with what I get signed in the future. Partially because I need to buy about 12 picture frames and also because I am running out of wall space. What? I like to put them on show.

While getting my Codex picture signed by Felicia Day she asked me what I thought of the ending and my brain misfired (as it does on occasion) and I had no idea what she was talking about. Took me a little time and some gesturing from people around me for me to realise I was wearing my Mass Effect 3 t-shirt. Doh! I think I may have clawed back so standing with my comments about Skyrim but maybe not. What can I say? Pretty girls turn my brain to mush. I’m surprised I got out whole sentences.

It was round about this point of the day one particular guest allegedly had an attack of the divas. This is all hearsay but it started with refusing to take part in the guest group photo. Apparently they didn’t want to be photographed with people they hadn’t worked with before. However pretty much everyone thinks that was a smokescreen and it was more about one person in particular. Then they deciding they didn’t want to sign certain photos which had supposedly been pre-approved. They were also somewhat precious about sticking exactly to their contracted time spent signing. Yes I am being illusive with my pronouns. Those of us who were there know who it was and heard the stories. Amusingly everyone who wasn’t there who I have asked to guess who it might have been got it in one. I have been told that this individual has a reputation for being ‘difficult’. Nobody was impressed by it all and not all voicing their such opinions where the fans either. There was also some suggestions of planted questions in the talks too. Dunno who thought that one up. *whistles*

Incidentally there may have been mitigating circumstances but you know what? If I’m stressed and I act like a dick I expect people to moan about me too. Actually people moan about me anyway.

Moving on…

After all this soap opera (Do you get the image link to that comment? I’m so clever me) melodrama my cohorts and I decided a McDonalds was in order. So we went to eat some food that is really bad for you. Not all of us can be super healthy vegans… :-)

After dinner it was time for the Science Fiction quiz which I won on the grounds that I was the only member of my group going to be at the closing ceremony and thus be able to pick up the prize. Yay me! In my defence years of watching Blake 7 and the same old Sci-fi my Dad used to watch when he was a kid did mean I did contribute some of the more obscure answers. I think there was just 1/2 point in it. The other team must feel like Man United. Oh and my prize is still to be identified let alone be handed over, as it was forgotten about. I have some rather cynical ideas about why it got overlooked. I passed on my details by email and I am waiting to see what, if anything, happens.

After the quiz was the short but sweet fancy dress competition, judged by most of the guests. Guess who was missing? Pretty much every entry won a prize. The costumes were all good but Steve’s cross dressing, the Nightmare contestant and the Steam Punk Lord of the Rings were all impressive. Well actually Steve’s was mostly a bit disturbing. ;-) I forget what everyone actually won but like I said everyone was a winner. Just like primary school.

Then it was party time with a Harry Potter theme. This was a party to remember! It introduced me to the full intensity of con-dancing which frankly defies description. It also introduced me to Felicia Day’s dancing insanity (she has some energy) not to mention all the other guest rubbing shoulders with us mere mortals and having a boogie.

When I say ‘us’ I’m trying to be inclusive, I’m a god! Kinda like Loki but with less hair. Unfortunately I was suffering with a bad cold over the weekend and was taking handfuls of cold remedies just to stay functional so I drank mostly water. The few drinks I had made me feel really ill. Which is probably a good thing because £14 for a double Scotch!!! I mean Talisker is a decent single malt but this one (aged 10 years) is only £30 for a whole bottle in the Supermarket. However late nights and fun were had by all!

Kudos has to go out to Aaron Douglas, Jonathan Woodward, Robin Thorsen and Dichen Lachman who stuck around till stupid o’clock in the morning partying with the fans. Which they also did on the Sunday. They stuck around far longer than sick old me did. There are tales told of absinthe drinking and bare foot fire-fighting.

Speaking of Sunday! I was up and at ‘em quite early (for a weekend) to fill my belly with scrambled eggs, toast and tea before splashing out on a few more photo sessions. First off was one with the lovely Dichen Lachman who is probably my favourite guest of all time right now. Then had to dash back to make sure I was ready for communion with Aaron Douglas, Alessandra Torresani and the not so surprise guest Jonathan Woodward.

Communion is frankly insane. It involves everyone queue up and receiving a Pringle (this is my body) followed by a whisky straight from the bottle (this is my blood) and finally be anointed on the head with more whisky. Throw in the occasional body shot and a microphone sticking out of Woodward’s fly and you have quite the entertaining experience. However one perpetual drunk took it too far. Another day and another guest and that kind of flashing antics could end up with the police involved. He was egged on and encouraged by guests and fans alike all weekend so I guess it wasn’t surprising.

After communion it was time to shoot off for photo session with Aaron Douglas and Alessandra Torresani. There were some interesting photo’s taken that lunchtime I can tell you. Rumour has it Mr. Drunk got a bit carried away here too, which doesn’t surprise me. Then it was off to McDonalds for some fuel for the engine before the afternoons guest talks. Had to say cheerio to Howard and Tony as they had to leave. Traitors! :-)

The closing ceremony bought everything to an official close and kicked off the final party of the weekend. The Sunday party theme was video game heroes, I went as my Mass Effect character in casual clothes .i.e. I went as me. :-) This party was a real blast as I was no longer quite so ill. I had a few more drinks and by the end of the night I even got up a danced. For the record I did not draw the penis in Steve’s notebook, well not the first one anyway. :-)

Steve and I managed to put Suzie to sleep in the middle of the party by talking shop. You know what’s its like when two nerds start talking computers the internet etc. Especially when it is booze fuelled. Steve at least doesn’t remember the conversation.

Most people stuck around for the end of party at 2am. Dichen and Aaron kindly stuck around and chatted and posed for photos for a while. Aren’t they just awesome? Well Aaron did until everyone’s favourite drunk broke some of his gifts of alcohol by dicking around. There were arguments and Aaron left quite angry, which you can’t blame him for. It is a sad lesson on encouraging drunk people to act out for your amusement. It is all fun and games until they take it too far and spoil it for someone. So don’t do it!

At this point I went to bed and watched a bit of TV before flaking out. By TV I mean I streamed TV shows from my home PC to my iPad as the TV’s and the signal in the Hotel were shocking. The cabinet and the TV looked like something my Grandparents had in the 90s.

In the morning I had a lie in (9am) before starting my longish trip back home to sunny Shropshire. Amusingly as I approached Wolverhampton (where I am from originally) my iPad randomly selected ‘Far, Far Away’ by Slade for me to listen too. I think my iPad is psychic. Appropriate for the location but it matched my feelings at the time.

And I’m far far away with my head up in the clouds
And I’m far far away with my feet down in the crowds
Lettin’ loose around the world
But the call of home is loud still as loud

Feel free to not bother correcting my spelling, grammar, facts or recollection of events. I already know I write like a developmentally challenged teenager and have the memory of a particularly forgetful Goldfish. :-)

My photo shoots from #Inva2ion. Wow my scanner is crappy.

Tue, 15 May 2012 20:53:00 +0100

My photo shoots from #Inva2ion. Wow my scanner is crappy.

My thoughts on 48fps movies

Thu, 03 May 2012 13:23:08 +0100

So far nobody seems to have argument against 48fps movies beyond that it is different therefore bad. Sure they tart it up by using words like ‘art’ and ‘cinematic’ and compare it with Soap Operas because they don’t like those either. No doubt certain people thought the same about colour film/tv too. Actually there are people who still do. When it comes down to it they simply don’t like 48fps because it is not what they are used to.

The Avengers Review - SPOILERS!

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 23:10:57 +0100

Now some of you may not be familiar with my reviews so consider this a warning. There are going to whacking, great, spoilers all the way through it. If you haven’t seen the film GO AWAY! Also there will be bad language, gibbering nonsense and quite possibly a little nitpicking. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Oh and in case you didn’t pay attention to the previous paragraph. Thanos turns up in the after credits sequence. Loki and the Chitari are just puppets of Marvel’s resident Death worshipping badass. Also ~~Wash~~ Agent Coulson dies.

This is straight up the best comic book movie so far. The massive bar lift by Iron Man and The Dark Knight got bumped up again. Warner Bros must be crapping their knickers. The damn thing is practically flawless in execution. I suspect I sat through it all with my mouth half open like a gormless idiot. If you take advantage of that obvious set-up then frankly I’ll lose a little respect for you.

The cast is spot on. We already new that for most characters but I so wish Ruffalo was cast in the other Hulk films. He manages to do nerdy scientist without Bana’s creepyness and tortured soul without being as emo as Norton. I’d like to have seen more of Renner as Hawkeye as what I did see I liked. As much as I like look at Johansson’s fine ass and great rack in a tight costume I’d rather see a Hawkeye spin-off than a Black Widow one.

So Joss Whedon eh? All those who said he couldn’t carry a big movie after Serenity and while he was good with dialogue but he could never manage a really epic movie? Well I offer you a big, fat fuck-a-doodle-do with a cherry on top because:

Serenity was fantastic
He just pretty much perfected the Superhero movie.

Seriously you just can’t fault him on anything with the Avengers. I guess we could blame him for it not being even awesomer. All the Whedon staples are there too including the compulsory death of a beloved character. He even manages to add some character development in the middle of a film about superheroes, gods and aliens. The guy is an evil genius.

Criticising this film is the height of nitpicking but seeing as I am comic book nerd I kinda have to. The film almost false starts as it slows a little too much after the opening sequence. The Chitari coming over all battle-droid when their mothership blows up doesn’t make a lick of sense. Would have been better to have a scene showing the National Guard, SHIELD and Police rounding up or taking out the stragglers. Captain America’s “there is only one god” line rankled a little. Like I said nitpicking.

My favourite parts are made up mostly of the banter between the characters and the Hulk. The film genuinely funny but without being comedic. Much of this comes down to Robert Downey Jr having sublime delivery of his lines. Not to say he gets all the best moments though. Hulk getting a cheeky cheap shot on Thor and smacking seven colours of shit out of Loki being amongst the best bits. Actually each character gets to do their part without the film becoming bitty.

Action wise Iron Man jump starting the shield Helicarrier and his new armour are fantastic. As is the Iron Man vs Thor fight mid way though the film. Hulk’s initial fight with the big flying eel thing is a stand out too, even if short. Incidentally are those things Acanti? They could be I suppose but that is more a Brood/X-Men thing.

I’ll be interested to see what they do with Thanos in the sequel as they pretty much covered the invading aliens lead by a god-like being plot. I guess the natural progression from saving Earth is saving the Universe. It could mean we get to see Captain Marvel in the next film.

I loved it and I am going to see it again on Saturday. Probably in 3D this time. I think it might be worth the migraine. Did anyone else think they’d missed the Stan Lee cameo? It was a little late on.

The UK's Plan to Censor the Internet

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 20:20:18 +0100

I wrote this yesterday but thought it overly ranty, even by my standards. So I decided to sleep on it and see if I calmed down. I did not. I tweaked it a little tonight but here is my rant.

The UK Government looks like it is going to move forward with its plan to censor the internet. That’s right the “Great Firewall of London” is well on its way to becoming reality. A cross parliamentary inquiry decided access to certain perfectly legal parts of the internet should be opt-in. Which parts you ask? Well adult content, obviously. Why? For the sake of the children, also obviously.

Amusingly this law is devised by the kinds of people who try to claim pornography on their parliamentary expenses then blame it on their spouse. The same kinds of people who accidentally kill themselves during auto-erotic asphyxiation. Those who (mis)use the law to hide their own ‘infidelities’ and ‘moral failings’ from public scrutiny.

The freedom loving politicians of the UK want to censor perfectly legal internet content because children ‘might’ see it. Despite there being numerous solutions available to parents to censor their own internet connection the UK government thinks the internet should become pre-censored for parents too lazy or stupid to do their own parenting. People who want to look at porn will effectively have to put their name on a list saying they want to look at porn. That is not colossally bad idea at all.

The UK Government will have access to a big list of people who claim to like porn. A “pervert list” if you will. They will claim that they won’t ever have direct access to the lists that ISPs will be forced to keep but police will no doubt get access using warrants. The cops will probably sell the info to a Murdock owned news organisation at the drop of a hat. The other laws they are trying to get through at the moment will mean GCHQ will just have access anyway.

This “pervert list” of course will not be used to identify likely suspects if someone is sexually assaulted in your neighbourhood. If you go to court after being accused of such a crime it won’t be presented to the jury as evidence of your guilt. It won’t be used to suggest you “wanted it” if you are a victim of a sexual assault either. It will not ever be leaked to the press to create a moral backlash against you if your are politically inconvenient. Nor will it be used to check if you are suitable to work with children. Government agencies doesn’t abuse their powers like that. I mean it is not like they have been using anti-terrorism powers to do things track down people who let their dogs crap in the street or check if someone is really in the catchment area for a school is it? Teachers have never been hounded out of their jobs because they took part in perfectly legal activities the moral minority deemed immoral, right?

The blacklist used for this censorship will be perfect. It will contain the location of all the pornography on the internet and nothing more. There will be no life, business, finance or job destroying false positives. And even if there are they would be a small price to pay to make sure children don’t see nudy bits. They won’t spin it off as a quango or a charity (backup funding if they can’t pressure ISPs into funding it) so they don’t catch heat if it doesn’t work. The people responsible for deciding what gets blocked will not become unaccountable to anyone. Getting a site off unblock will not be nigh on impossible. Everyone remember when the Internet Watch Foundation blocked Wikipedia over an album cover? Think that would have got fixed so quickly if Wikipedia wasn’t one of the most popular sites on the internet?

The big lie is that the system will only be used to protect children from pornography. That is the justification, the excuse. Who gets to define what gets blocked in the first place? It may start off with just porn but you can guarantee that it will be extended later on to include violent video games, chemistry, criticism of religion, piracy, hacking, swearing, unpopular opinion, political opponents or whatever has people’s knickers in a twist that week. Either as a matter of course or ‘accidentally’.

After this is implemented I’d give a year before some ambitious politician sees political mileage in “turning off” access to the morally repugnant parts of the internet. To make the UK a very model of Victorian moral propriety. After all the mechanism to do so will be there. This is a free speech issue and anyone who says otherwise is a damned liar or a moron. Which I guess covers most, if not all, politicians.

Naturally anyone who argues against this will be labelled a dirty pervert who wants molest your children. A scaremongering sexual predator trying to muddy the waters to protect a deviant lifestyle. Which is complete horse shit. This is about censorship not porn.

Why does the internet even need to be censored to protect children? Why on earth should the government be doing it if it does? Don’t these kids have parents or guardians? Parents need to stop expecting the whole world to raise their obnoxious crotch fruit for them. You signed on for parenting when you let the damned thing be spawned. Do your job!

There are plenty of tools to monitor/manage your own internet connection. Many ISP’s offer opt-in censorship, you can use DNS services, net-nanny software or bloody well sit down with your kids when they use the computer. Ignorance, lack of time and poverty are not valid excuses. If they loved their kids they would make the effort.

I am perfectly aware there are many technical solutions that would get around this censorship without adding your name to the “pervert list”. That is hardly the point is it? Government sponsored censorship is very bad idea no matter the justification and it shouldn’t happen. Besides how long do you think it would be before circumventing the censorship will become an offence? Why is this thinking bad when other countries do it but good and noble when the UK wants to?

Perhaps we will have to hope that the EU will step in and protect us from our elected officials once again.

On 'Gay' Marriage

Mon, 05 Mar 2012 13:03:15 +0000

This seems to be the topic of discussion at the moment. So I thought I would give my take on it. Being both an atheist and someone who doesn’t see the point in marriage it all seems idiotic to me. Though perhaps that makes my opinion moo. You know, like a cows opinion. Why do people care so much what other people do? Seriously if gay people get married how does it make any difference to some god bothering bigot? It is not like it is going to be compulsory. Is it? Makes no difference to me if the delusional masses want to spend their Sundays talking to an imaginary friend. Not unless they attempt to force me to do it too or discriminate against me if i don’t. So why do so many theists care if gay people want to be as miserably married as straight people? They do tend to be of the religious don’t they?

It seems to me it all comes down to some people’s desire to control others. Some people’s sense of self worth is based on the validity of their beliefs and thus need to inflict them on others to prove they are right. That and/or they get off on bring able to dictate to others. I dislike Harry Potter but makes no difference to me if someone else likes reading those books. I might take the piss but I feel no need to try and get Harry Potter banned. Unlike some religious folk I might add. To sum up some people are just bastards. And oddly I’m not, which is a disturbing revelation.

My sanctum sanctorum. Unsurprisingly it is very a geeky place.

Sun, 04 Mar 2012 16:43:36 +0000

Comic book entrance

TV and comic book film shelves

Entertainment centre at the foot of bed

Wall of fame

The IT Support center

Comic, DVD corner and armory

Book corner

Crap on top of my wardrobe

My sanctum sanctorum. Unsurprisingly it is very a geeky place.

The Great Raspberry Hunt 2012

Wed, 29 Feb 2012 13:42:38 +0000

I am taking time out my lunch time of reading crap on the internet to point out why so many people are annoyed by today’s launch of the Raspberry Pi. As you would expect when the servers of both sites selling the much desired (by nerds anyway) Raspberry Pi died within seconds (no exaggeration ) of them being made available people voiced their displeasure on Twitter. Geeks not known for measured response and civil discourse. This drew out the internet’s White Knights who boldly charged to RaspberryPi’s defence. Naturally these serial dogooders did not understand why people are annoyed and put it down to a ‘sense of entitlement’. Which is fast becoming the goto buzzword for people who wish ignore other’s opinions.

This is the long line of product launches and online sales that have died a death because of website failure. RaspberryPi knew they had 100,000+ people after just 10,000 devices and the community constantly warned them they were going to have a problem. Their response was smug knowing smiles (virtual ones) and saying that it was all in hand. Everything’ they assured us’ would be fine. Those of us who doubted were mocked by the rest of the community as evil cynics. Guess what? Exactly what we feared would happen happened.

What was RaspberryPi’s response when everything went tits up? Their servers were fine (the site was replaced with a single static HTML page so no surprise there) it is the distributors who are at fault. We did warn them, not our problem. The buck well and truly passed. They spent the morning lording their media coverage and moaning about how people were being mean. Shock, horror people react badly when given the brush off. It turns out they had no contact at the 2 companies selling the product so couldn’t give any real explanations when things went south.

Frankly the launch was very badly handled. They should have announced the sites selling the devices in advance so people could register on them before hand. They should also have offered direct links to the products instead of telling people to search on the sites. Both these things would have reduced the traffic to the sites selling the devices by probably a factor of 10. They might have stayed up and just been slow had that been the case. It is apparent that RaspberryPi don’t have a close relationship with these partners. Not only did they fail to impress on them the volume of traffic they also made things much worse in their rush to maintain the hype.

Nobody would have been more than disappointed if these devices had just sold out really quickly. That happens. What has got people’s collective backs up is the sites dying under the load, the poor organisation and RaspberryPi’s attitude to the whole thing. People feel robbed of a chance and patronised to boot. Doubly annoying to many because they want to contribute and help out. Some us have seen first hand the deplorable state of IT education in this country and wanted to get hold of one of these devices ASAP so we could do our bit to turn that around. RaspberryPi seemed more interested in being all over the BBC than getting the devices into the hands of the people who will move the project forward.

On a different note whichever cock put this up on hotukdeals wants stringing up. Goodness knows how many of these devices will end up on eBay or stuffed in drawers because they are in the hands the chancers that populate that site. Cheers mate! In addition, after reading the discussion thread there I suspect YouTube has a rival for the most ill informed and idiotic commentators on the internet.

All that being said I still intend to support the project and do something helpful with my Raspberry Pi when I get one. My anger is making way to determination. Unlike some mine won’t end up as an XBMC media centre. Now the hype of launch has died down I expect things will go smoother here on in. Perhaps the bad experience will filter out the chaff and hopefully RaspberryPi will be better prepared in the future.

The Official Marvel Graphic Novel Collection

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 15:40:48 +0000

The official Marvel graphic novel collection has just started appearing in newsagents and is also available for subscription. First issue is £2.99 and the 2nd £6.99 (to get you hooked) with the normal price being £9.99. Now that is not cheap as there are two issues a month but what you get it is pretty awesome.

Graphic novels are usually £6-8 a piece and these are pretty decent quality hardback versions. They seem well bound and the paper is thick and glossy. They smell awesome too *sniff*. In the back of each issue is extra material like interviews and draft art. At the front is a handy summary of the events leading up to the story you are about to read. If you subscribe there are host of freebies too, including issue 3.

And if you have any doubt as to the quality of the stories here are the first 4 issues:

1. Spider-man: Coming Home by J. Michael Straczynski & John Romita Jr

So that is the creator of Babylon 5 and the guy who I think draws the best Spider-man. Plus the story is a cracker with some important implications (or they were until ‘One More Day’ *sigh*) for the Spider-man title.

2. X-Men: Dark Phoenix by Chris Claremont and John Byrne

Written by the Godfather of X-Men comics Chris Claremont (before he completley lost the plot and started churning out utter trash) and widely regarded as the best X-Men story of all time. The fact it was the basis of the third X-Men movie should not put you off.

3. Iron Man: Extremis by Warren Ellis and Adi Granov

Ellis would be the creator of Transmetropolitan (Go read it!) and Extremis is ranked as one of the best Iron Man stories and has very realistic artwork. Oh yeah and the retconned Iron Man origin story heavily influenced that of the Iron Man film and the Extremis armour itself being the basis of the Iron Man 2 armour.

4. The Ultimates: Super Human by Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch

You might have heard of Millar, he has this fairly popular comic and film called Kick Ass recently. The Marvel universe gets as 21st century reboot almost a decade before DC thought it was a good idea and Marvel didn’t kill off their main titles in the process. This is the first story of the Ultimate Universe’s version of the Avengers which sees them taking on a very nasty version of the Hulk. Both the Ultimate Universe and this title have heavily influenced the recent Hollywood films.

So if you don’t think you are getting your moneys worth in just the first couple of months then I sniff haughtily, vaguely in your direction. Basically it is good stuff.

If the Marvel Figurine collection (which also had for a few years) is anything to go by then a DC version is on the cards. It is probably just sitting, waiting to see how the Marvel version fairs. If that comes out too I’m going to be perpetually broke.

My Fav Skyrim Mods

Fri, 06 Jan 2012 22:16:00 +0000

Here is a list of my favourite Skyrim mods that have been released so far. That some of these even exist before the content creation kit has been released shows how creative some in the modding community can be.

Notice the lack of Anime/JRPG armour/weapon replacements in this list? Want to hazard a guess why? Hint: It is related to them and their source material being utter shite.

In no particular order:

1. Arrowsmith

http://www.skyrimnexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=1178

Lets you use feathers, firewood, leather strips and metal to craft arrows. Very useful as arrows are oddly rare in Skyrim. I prefer this over some other mods because they go to far and let you craft items that pretty much ruin the game.

2. No More Blocky Faces

http://www.skyrimnexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=30

Nice mod that smooths out the blockiness that is sometimes apparent in characters faces.

3. RWT Realistic Water Textures

http://www.skyrimnexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=711

Greatly improves the water textures on all types of water. Based on photos of actual real life water.

4. Vurts Skyrim Flora Overhaul

http://www.skyrimnexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=141

Improves much of the flora in the game by replacing with higher res textures. Makes the woods very pretty indeed.

5. Serious HD Retexture Landscape Skyrim

http://www.skyrimnexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=2146

High res texture replacer for many of the ground textures in the game. Near photo realistic frankly.

6. Enhanced Distance Terrain

http://www.skyrimnexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=1598

Basically adds a little noise to the distant terrain so it looks less blotchy and smooth. Also make texture/model pop in less obvious in the distance.

7. Calientes Female Body Mod Big Bottom Edition

http://www.skyrimnexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=2666

It wouldn’t be a list of PC games mods without the obligatory nude mode. Female obviously. Install it, look at the boobies and then forget it is even installed. Comes in slim, regular and stupid big boobs sizes. There are male equivalents but you can look those up yourselves, I find them disturbing.

8. Enhanced Night Sky

http://www.skyrimnexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=85

Give the night sky a bit of pizzazz. Different colour options and the choice to have nice pretty nebula in the sky.

9. High Res Dragons

http://www.skyrimnexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=1154

Make the Dragons pop a little more without having them totally redesigned by some no nothing wannabe art student. Keeps the same essential Bethesda design but increases the detail and improves the colour.

10. Skyrim HD

http://www.skyrimnexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=607

Project to replace ALL the textures in Skyrim. Has some overlap with the other big texture replacers I have here so I install this first as base and overwrite with the others.

11. 360 Hotkey Enabler

http://www.skyrimnexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=310

Allows you to use all 1-8 hotkeys on the keyboard rather than just the 2 on the 360 controller. Better than other mods that add these shortcuts to the 360 controller as it doesn’t make changing weapon’s into a mini game of Street Fighter 2.

12. Readable Road Signs

http://www.skyrimnexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=387

Make the signposts in Skyrim legible so that they are useful rather than just decoration.

13. Killable Children

http://www.skyrimnexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=774

Depraved or important change to improve realism? You decide but once you have met that snotty little brat in ~~Edoras~~ Whiterun you will seriously consider installing it. The Daily Mail would shit bricks over this, which frankly is just another reason to install it.

Has the weird side effect of letting you select a child during character creation. Odd.

14. Skyrim Enhanced Shaders

http://www.skyrimnexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=822

Improves the palette and lighting in the game. Greatly improves the look of the game but can have a significant hit to your frame rate. It has varrious different options and presets but I prefer the ‘Darker Nights and Dungeons’ version. Guess what does? Watch out for the fucking bears when you go wandering in the hills of night though. You also feel less of a tit when sneaking through the shadows when it looks like you might be actually be in the dark.

15. Nexus Mod Manager

http://www.skyrimnexus.com/content/modmanager/

Not really a mod but an application for downloading, installing and managing mods for Skyrim. Makes managing multiple mods much simpler. Was so buggy even I would have been embarrassed to lay claim to it (which is saying a lot considering some of the crap I have written over the years) but has improved in recent versions. Only halfway decent application for this purpose anyway.

My Freebie Five

Sun, 18 Sep 2011 01:59:00 +0100

Leanne over at Babbleanne did I blog post about her ‘freebie five’ early this week and I thought I’d do the same. Why? Because I often copy other people’s blog posts as I rarely have a good idea myself. Plus any excuse to look up pictures of hot women on the internet. :)

Scarlett Johansson

Why? Well, she has a great rack and a nice arse.

Kelly Brooke

Why? Well, she has a great rack and a nice arse. Can you see a pattern yet?

Tricia Helfer

Why? I’m in danger of repeating myself a lot so lets just say I’d really really like to have sex with her.

Charisma Carpenter

Why? Guess?

Jewel Staite

Ah haaa! That caught you off guard didn’t it? Who would pass up the opportunity to get it on with the actress who played Kaywinnit Lee Frye? Firefly, oh how we miss you. :(

Obviously this is completely immaterial as I’m not with anyone to get mad should they insanely unlikely situation of me getting my ‘wicked way’ with any of the above ladies come about.

Should I print this off and laminate it?

iOS Development Sucks

Tue, 30 Aug 2011 15:06:56 +0100

I have come to the conclusion that iOS development sucks. I have not developed in such a frustrating environment since I developed a Windows CE application in Visual C++ back in 1999. Nothing I have used before has been so intent on getting in a developers way as much as Objective-C and Xcode.

Things to do while I have 2 weeks off work

Thu, 04 Aug 2011 20:38:00 +0100

Here is a list of things I should get done over my summer break. All 2 weeks of it. My hope is that if people know I have this crap to do I might actually be shamed into doing some or all of it. I am a terrible procrastinator so I doubt it will work but you never know.

~~Clean up. This place is a pig sty.~~
~~Clean the car. If pigs could drive cars then they would be like my car.~~
~~Mount my pictures on the wall.~~
~~Go through my big box of cables/parts and streamline it for cables/parts that actually fit in things I have.~~
Go on a day trip somewhere, anywhere.
Get my PayPal account back in full working order.
Put the 3 DC Figurine collection issues/statues I have on eBay.
~~Put the 100s of gadget boxes on top of my wardrobe into the loft~~
Write an Android application
Archive my comics.
~~Finish reading Game of Thrones and get started on the rest of series~~
Maintain this despicably cheery mood I have been annoying everyone with these last 2 days.
~~Junk this old knackered xBox 360 I have knocking around and~~ put the accessories on eBay.
Finish my blog redesign.
Source a decent portable hard drive after returning the one Dixons miss-sold me.
Attain omnipresent supergalactic oneness. Alllllllrighty then!
~~Visit my Nieces.~~
Decide what new car I am going to buy and work out if I can afford it yet.
See ~~Super 8~~ and Rise of the Planet of the Apes at the cinema.
~~Meet up with friends (this is a cheat as I already arranged it).~~
~~Put my Captain America shield on the wall.~~
Re-establish my exercise regime. Not running though, my knees can’t hack it.
Do something awesome (not decided what form the awesomeness shall take yet).
Decide if I am going to The Entertainment Media Show or not.

Likelihood is that I’ll have hardly any of it done by the end of next week and will be complaining I’m bored. I have the same attitude to holidays as I did when I was a kid.

Don’t forget to nag me periodically. I’ll mark them off as they are done. If you have any suggestions for things for me to get off my arse and do stick them in the comments. The best one wins a no-prize.

Captain America: The First Avenger - Review

Sun, 31 Jul 2011 19:43:00 +0100

“Captain America: The First Avenger” is a good film. It is fun action packed and does justice to the character. It celebrates the spirit of the American ideal without being smug, superior or jingoistic. It even manages to give non-North American countries there due in WWII, something even ‘serious’ US war films usually fail to do. It is polished, well acted (considering), well paced and entertaining. I’d say it slides in just under the Iron Man and Thor films. I enjoyed it a great deal.

Chris Evans is actually spot on with his portrayal of Steve Rogers. Putting aside the more usual jocular performances that made him ideal for The Human Torch he gives us quite an earnest and noble Captain America.

However I still feel just a teensy bit disappointed by it. Marvel seem to have found the perfect formula when they made Iron Man and I feel they aren’t trying to push the boundaries because of this. It was a good film but they could have made it brilliant. Instead of having parts that made you go “Wow! Cool!” it could have parts that made you go “OMG! WTF! Awesome!”.

There is also did get a very small feeling that the film was more of a set-up for The Avengers than a stand alone film in its own right. This is probably because it is, in reality, just that. Doesn’t stop it being worth the £10 for a ticket. Don’t forget to stay after the credits to see a teaser trailer for The Avengers. It doesn’t look like Stark and Thor will get on.

Still at least Marvel have shown (yet again) they can make a good solid action film. Captain America is still way above the dregs of this summers blockbuster season. Pity they couldn’t recover the rights to the Spider-man franchise.

My top 5 favourite films

Sun, 31 Jul 2011 18:31:40 +0100

Now I bet you are thinking that is an easy one right? Guessing my favourite films should be simple because I am living breathing geek cliché. The list will be something like:

The Empire Strikes Back
Aliens
Terminator
Back to the Future
Jurassic Park

Right? Wrong! Felt a bit like Lex Luthor then. In your defence I do like all those films a great deal and I’ll often say they are amongst my favourite films of all time. Indeed, I’d put them in the top 10/20 easily. So you want to see my real top 5 films list? The films I really like are:

High Fidelity
Almost Famous
Chasing Amy
Easy A (This is new entry)
Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind

Not a spaceship, explosion, superhero or CGI monster between them. A shocking revelation to many I am sure. Though I am disturbed that these are all quite popular with critics and the list makes me feel more than a little pretentious.

Temporary Blog

Wed, 20 Jul 2011 16:44:12 +0100

I think this shall act as my blog in the short term. Should surfice till I find out what is going on with my hosting.